Some Jerk Stole a State of Maine Flag From My Girlfriend’s 80-Year-Old Mother
Hey dude who stole the flag off an 80-year-old woman's porch. Have you ever seen Taken? Well, consider me Liam Neeson.
I have a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career in radio. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. I have thousands of people that I reach on a daily basis. We will find you.
You crossed a line my friend. You walked by the home of my girlfriend's 80-year-old mother in Auburn, saw a Maine State flag she had proudly displayed on her porch and decided that you would take it. You probably thought you would get off scot-free, but you didn't notice the camera pointed right at you. Ever wonder what you look like committing theft? Here's the video:
I'm not sure what you were thinking, but if you return the flag to this 80-year-old woman's home where you found it, placed back where it was, I will not look for you.
If however, you decide to keep the flag, you will be identified and you will be found...Oh forget it, I can't play Neeson anymore.
Dude, we have you on camera and we're going to identify you. Bring the flag back and I'm sure that my girlfriend's mother will be happy to forgive you after a mild verbal scolding. Trust me, I've seen those myself and they aren't pretty, but probably better than what you'll hear from my girlfriend's sister who lives with her.
And seriously, a flag? That's what you steal? I can't even wrap my head around that one.