It doesn't matter what your reasons are.

All my life, Father's Day has been a bit of a sticking point. When I was a boy, my father wasn't around much. Or in my teen years. And as I got older, I became the curator of our separation. I took it upon myself at certain age to absolutely despise my dad. In every way. I took any opportunity to try and let him know how little I wanted to do with him.

To the point that in my 20's, I legally changed my last name to my mom's maiden name, and then sent him a photocopy of the paperwork... on Father's Day. I was hurt, angry, and out for blood. I tried everything I could to keep the hate boiling at the surface. Then  eventually, I grew out of it, and just went numb.

Later in life, my dad reached out a lot.

As decades went by with my dad and I basically not speaking, other than off and on in my teens, I began to wonder about him. I didn't really know him well, so I often wondered what he was like. Was I like him? And, what was he like in general? As more years went by, my curiosity grew.

Then sure enough, like out of a movie, I'd heard that my dad had become terminally ill. I sat on that info for a little longer than I should've, but finally reached out. To my surprise, he was willing to accept me with open arms. None of the years of petty drama mattered anymore, and I was just glad to be getting to know him...

Until he died.

We had a solid year and half of sharing bad jokes, stories of being musicians... Just getting to know each other. When he went into hospice, I knew the end was near, but there's nothing you can do to really prepare yourself for the inevitable. But I'm beyond glad I let my guard down and heal the years between us.

So these days, when Father's Day rolls around, it's an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes you can't heal all the issues life throws between family members. But I'll tell you one thing, if you think there's even a chance to heal the wounds, do it. 100% do it. And if you can't, no harm there either. Just know that you're alone when it comes to having everyone else's Father's Day posts put you through a meatgrinder. I feel you.


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