I know it seems early to talk beach season, but I've seen an uptick online of people doing polar dips, and winter beach challenges of all sorts. And face it, despite the fact that it's March 22nd, and it's snowing outside, summer will be here before you know it. And along with that will inevitably involve a trip to a Sandy Wonderland.

Full disclosure...this will be something I never have to worry about. I'm terrified of what nameless, horrible creatures are lurking just beneath the surface of the ocean that are ready to end my bodily existence. And secondly, the sun is trying to kill me slowly with skin cancer. I've had one little thing removed in  adulthood already, and not anxious to lose any more of my skin than I already have.

I understand my phobias are likely not real in any way, but I'm a big fraidy-cat. You, on the other hand, might comparatively be an oceanic dare devil. So it may not bother you to know what lives in that mouthful of sea water you just accidentally swallowed.

I was reading an article from Mic.com, and it definitely set off my panic buttons. Maybe you don't mind microscopic marine worms or cyanobacteria running amok insode your mouth, but not this guy. Although, to be fair, cyanobacteria do actually help produce oxygen in the water, so there's that, I guess.

There could also be crab larvae, or copepeds, which are small tiny crustaceans. There might be fish eggs, or even chaetognaths, which are a nasty predatory form of plankton that can even potentially inject a paralytic venom!

And I tell you, once you see all this stuff under a microscope, you just want to run screaming into the night. I already had my own rerservations about going in the ocean, and when I saw photographic evidence of the wee sea-beasties, it filled me with more desire to start uttering the word "nope" repeatedly, than I ever had before. See for yourself:

Getty Images/iStockphoto/thinkstock

I guess what I'm really driving at, is that some company needs to make a mouth guard to keep all these horror-inducing animals out of my mouth. Or maybe an after-market baleen dental guard. Or if you do intend to enjoy the beaches of Maine this summer...just keep your mouth shut.