Don't ever feel bad about killing ticks. Not even for a minute.

I can't personally say whether this year is any worse than any other as far as ticks are concerned. Every year is a giant pain in the you-know-what. All I know is every time I see a tick, all I can think of is it's complete and total eradication from my existence. I feel no remorse for the fact that I want them all dead.

When I was a kid, it was like they didn't even exist. We used to play in tall grass, the leaves in the woods, roll around endlessly with dogs. I don't even remember any of mine or my friend's dogs ever having ticks. These days, I can't take my dog outside for anything without pulling a handful off. To make myself feel better, I choose to enjoy the living daylights out of killing them. These are my 4 favorite ways to end their lives...

Crush/squish them to death.

I like to take two small rocks, or a single rock and a hard place, and grind them into goopy dust. I put as many foot pounds of pressure as I can on them and just make them pretty much disappear in a damp little smear.

Drown them in rubbing alcohol.

I prefer to use 91% rubbing alcohol. The ticks die quickly, but not so quickly that you can still take a moment to watch them basically squirm and drown. Sometimes, I'll even shake the dish just a little and it kind of revives them, and then I watch them squirm all over again. It's quite satisfying.

Burn them until they pop.

This is maybe the most satisfying method of all. There's something quite cathartic about getting a grill lighter out and laying the flame right to them until they pop. And boy, do they pop. It's a very audible sound that fills your ears with delight. On the other hand, the smell of a scorched tick is kinda gross.

Drown them in alcohol, then set that on fire.

Ok, this may border on serial killer type stuff right here, but I'm basically ok with that. A coworker asked why I torture them so much. And I was like, "uuhhhh, because they're constantly trying to hurt me and my dog. And you..." Do I need better reasons than that? I didn't think so either.

Look, maybe this is all too much for you, and that's totally ok. But for some of us, we hate the ticks so frikkin' bad, that this provides some kind of revenge. There are so many things in life you can't do anything about. But I tell you... You can murder ticks every day of the week, and no one will care. So whatcha waitin' for?!


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