My first assumption right out of the gate, is that had to have been one whiz-bang of a cheeseburger, if this is the path you take to settle a burger dispute. My second assumption is that there must have been alcohol involved. I can only confirm the latter, thanks to WGME - TV13.

On July 3rd, down in Arrowsic, which is a small town outside of Bath, there seemed to be some sort of what I can only imagine was a brief exchange of logical ideas (no), that turned into a wildly irrational tumble (yes), that culminated in Joshua Canonico grabbing a wood chisel and thrusting it in the direction of his much younger relative.

Not to worry, since chisels aren't really a stabby weapon of choice, thankfully in this case especially, the younger relative suffered a minor scratch and a torn shirt. But still, as one could imagine, the police had to become involved because, you know, stabbing. Even though the chisel didn't do too much damage, again, thankfully in this case.

My question is, as someone who has certainly overdone the adult beverages at family gatherings from time to time and made a complete jackass of myself, I'm not sure that stabbing ever really occurred to me. How beers does it take to get to the center of that rage-y Tootsie Pop?

But after all this, I think the rest of us really wanna know what was on that burger? Like seriously, to cause this kind of trouble, it must have been something truly to behold. I've had some good ones in my day, but not worth all that. In the meantime, now I want a cheeseburger of my own. Add mayo and bacon, but please... Hold the stabbing.