How I Beat The Demon Wasps Above My Air Conditioner

If you'd looked through my windows Wednesday afternoon, you just might have seen a ridiculously jubilant woman dancing around because she defeated two wasps who dared enter her house.

I hate flying stinging things. It doesn't matter if it's a wasp, yellow jacket, or hornet. They freak me out. As a kid, I would have full-scale meltdowns, jumping up and down, waving my arms, and screaming if one flew anywhere near me. It should come as no surprise that I was stung repeatedly as a child. Not because I stumbled onto a nest or anything. Just because I acted like such an idiot when I saw them. Kind of like Miley Cyrus in this video from the VMA Awards. (only much worse)

As a grown-up, I had to learn to curb that urge. I mean, you can't keep kids calm around stinging insects if you're freaking out! So I trained myself how to appear calm on the outside, despite the fact that I was shaking like a leaf on the inside. Of course, having said that, my Dad would point out that I once asked him to come to the radio station to kill one particularly hardy wasp that just. wouldn't. die. He came to my rescue and had to admit later that it took many whacks with a heavy magazine to kill the stupid thing.

So, on to yesterday's adventure! I was pleased that Jim had put the air conditioner in the living room window since it was quite warm on Wednesday. He went off to his grandmother's house and I was sitting with the dogs when I noticed a large wasp fly up between the upper and lower windows, above the air conditioner. It was then that I remembered that raising the window to accommodate the air conditioner also leaves a gap between the windows! Before I could respond, the demon wasp came up through the gap to the inside, immediately followed by a second!

Of course, they were situated just right, behind the venetian blinds and in the small space between the two windows, so I couldn't get to them and kill them. So what to do? Well it took about 45 minutes, but I sat on the couch, watching the window with a roll of duct tape in my hand, and finally saw them both drop down between the windows at the same time and.....I POUNCED! I think I cleared the distance from the couch to the opposite window in one leap, pulled out a strip of duct tape and closed the gap. AHA!!! VICTORY!!!!

Even now the thought of it makes me smile. And itch. And swear that I can hear buzzing in the distance. Do you hear that?